to those that actually read this blog…please understand that I am MULTIPLE what I write here is just a fraction of what goes through my mind…not an absolute truth
Updates from May, 2009 Hide threads | Keyboard Shortcuts
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JC
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Balancing Act- being the friend
JC
It’s a roller coaster
Start as friends knowing you will turn into lovers
Lovers in a world of their own break off when one wants to expand the options
Left to either lose that lover, first that friend you stick around balancing your feelings
Your actions speak of love but your words border on indifference
You can feel the suffocating weight of yourself falling deeper and deeper into this person that doesn’t want you as whole, keeps you at a distance
You back off, space, not because you really want it, you really need it
How foolish will you seem if you fell for someone when you were clearly told that what you want they don’t
Yet life works its way in between…a friend is needed and despite what you know is best for you…you offer what has always been there for the taking…your heart
Much like before it isn’t wanted … safe guarding your heart…you find yourself rejected because you were performing a balancing act and fell chest first
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whatever
JC
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Sometimes you just need to walk away…
JC
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Testing this great ole technology…
JC
OK, so now I have the ability to post to my blog straight from my email…wooohoooo. I can sit at my desk and type and type and look as if I am actually doing “work” work…
OMG I have so many things that I usually want to blog about while at work but opening up my browser with my bosses passing by, looking over my shoulder…this is gonna be sooooo very cool…
Until Next Time~~~~
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Watermelon Memories
JC
A co worker of mine brought in some watermelon and instantly I was brought back to the living room of the apartment in Hartsdale, the TV tray, me on one side of my Mother, Tanna (our dog) on the other, both waiting patiently for our pieces.
Tanna would take whatever was given…but me… I wanted what I like to call the akin to the skin…that layer BEFORE you get to the end, rind layer…that tough mix of red and white. I would sit there for hours (because Mom could drag out the carving of watermelon) watching…wondering how she could eat the mushy soft parts, watch her spitting out the seeds, asking “If you swallow a seed will a watermelon grow inside you.”, even though I was old enough to know better.
On the TV there would be an episode of Murder She Wrote or Matlock or Unsolved Mysteries, Rescue 911…TV at it best in Mommy’s eyes.
Age 17 and I would still sit there watching her cut the pieces for me, because when I did it myself I always made a mess. And because this was “our time”.
Sometimes, during a commercial we would talk, she would ask “Have you written anything new today?”, “What book are you reading?”
Curled up next to her, munching on tough pieces of red mixed with white I would talk to her…her eyes wide with amazement at the stories I would spin out.
That part of the conversation would end with “You’re such a talented writer Jendayi, you will make an amazing author”Most people smell watermelon and they think summer, BBQ’s, picnics…I think of my mother’s love, her unconditional support of a craft I had yet learned to cultivate and what made simple but good “Mommy and me” time.
It’s one of the best smells in the world.
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Happiness won’t find you…
JC
Happiness doesn’t have a rode map…at times I think we bump into it and at times I think we do direct ourselves to the site.
If you aren’t happy take that step towards getting on that road…put yourself out there…there are one of two things that might happen…one you might find happiness…or you might not…but at least you know you tried to obtain it.
